The Golden Rule

My daughter Lauryn is talking about marriage. She's met a young man that makes her heart beat faster and slower at the same time and she wants to make it a permanent condition.

My son Jamie is preparing to leave on a two year mission to the West Indies.

These unrelated events have caused me to think carefully about the things I want to say to both Lauryn and Jamie. I have so much "wisdom" I want to share. And I figure if I say it all in a blog, then they care refer to it again and again, and thereby my wisdom will last forever. (Or something like that).

So this is the first of many posts that will attempt to distill the things I have learned thus far.

Lauryn,

You're in love. Love is a beautiful thing. It is a gift from God, given to us, his children.

You already know what love looks like. You have seen the way I look at your mother and you've seen the way we look at you and your brothers. It's that look you get from us somewhere in between the looks of exasperation and unbelief.

Love needs to be nourished in order to thrive, otherwise it will wilt and possibly even die. I know you've seen that in your life too, couples for whom the love has faded away.

So my first post to you will share a secret of keeping love alive. I call it the Platinum Rule.

You've heard of the "Golden Rule": "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." Well, the "Platinum Rule" supersedes the "Golden Rule", it is: "Do unto others as they would have done to them."

Your opportunity as a wife is to discover what makes your husband really happy and then do those things for him. And his opportunity is to do the same for you.

For example, your mom would rather sleep than have breakfast in bed. I would rather have breakfast in bed than sleep. If I wake her up with a plate full of pancakes, I'm likely to get punched in the face, so I let her sleep. If she wakes me up with a plateful of pancakes, I have the best day ever.

Mom loves to have her feet rubbed. She will sit and watch movies for hours if I massage her feet. My feet are ticklish, if she was to rub my feet during a movie it would be the worst movie ever, and I would end up on the floor, trying desperately to crawl away from her wicked hands. (You've seen that, it ain't pretty).

The point is, don't assume that because you like something, your husband will too. It's true that when you get married, you become one. But you become one in purpose, one in loyalty and one in love. You don't give up your individuality, and anyone who expects that of you is a control freak, and you should run, not walk, away from them.

So when that wonderful day comes and you find yourself bound for eternity to a good man. (I'm not putting your boyfriends name in here until there is a ring.) Learn what he loves and what he doesn't love and learn to practice the Platinum Rule.

Earn This

Last Friday night I stayed up late watching "Saving Private Ryan" on television. With the commercials it was four hours long, and worth every minute.

If you haven't seen the movie, here is the synopsis stolen from IMDB.com. "Opening with the Allied invasion of Normandy on 6 June 1944, members of the 2nd Ranger Battalion under Cpt. Miller fight ashore to secure a beachhead. Amidst the fighting, two brothers are killed in action. Earlier in New Guinea, a third brother is KIA. Their mother, Mrs. Ryan, is to receive all three of the grave telegrams on the same day. The United States Army Chief of Staff, George C. Marshall, is given an opportunity to alleviate some of her grief when he learns of a fourth brother, Private James Ryan, and decides to send out 8 men (Cpt. Miller and select members from 2nd Rangers) to find him and bring him back home to his mother"

The movie follows 8 soldiers as they attempt to find Private Ryan (remarkably well played by Matt Damon) and get him safely home.

Near the end of the movie, Captain Miller (played by Tom Hanks) is mortally wounded on a bridge in a small French town, most of the other soldiers who embarked on the journey to save Private Ryan are already dead. He pulls Ryan in close and whispers "Earn this. Earn it". Then he dies.

That phrase, spoken at the climax of the movie has always affected me. There is so much we take for granted in this country. For example, no one is going to kick in my door tonight because they don't like what I wrote in this blog. If I was in China, I wouldn't have that assurance. I am pretty sure when I leave the house every morning, that I will return that evening. Not everyone can say that. And the reason I enjoy all of that freedom is because of people like Cpt Miller and the millions of others who have fought to protect my freedom, the freedom of my family and your freedom.

So this Thurday morning, just one week after the 70th anniversay of D-Day, will find me, and Demarise and Jamie at our local polling station, earning, in a small way, the sacrifice of the brave allied soldiers.

I hope I don't get in trouble for including this comic strip from last remembrance day, but I just love the message. (click the picture to see it larger)

We remember. Nous nous souvenons.