This is a copy of the eulogy I gave at my father-in-laws funeral on August 18, 2014. He was/is a great man and we all miss him terribly. But at the same time, we are so happy to have known him.How do you condense a life of 72 years into a 10 minute eulogy?
How do you capture
the essence of a man, his life, feelings and accomplishments in such a short
period of time?
I cannot, in this
short time, paint an accurate picture of the man Danny was to someone who never
knew him. But to you, his friends and family, I hope to be able to share
stories and experiences that will stir memories in you, and that hopefully will
bring a smile to your face. For in these trying circumstances, it’s the happy
memories that allow us to navigate the mine field of grief and despair.
I apologize in
advance for the stories and character traits I’m going to omit. To quote from
one of Danny’s favourite movies, the Princess Bride: “There is too much, I will
sum up.”
In many ways, Danny
was an ordinary man with struggles and trials and challenges in life. But to
those of us gathered here, who knew him well, he was so much more. We are bound
to him by eternal bonds of love, and we know, Danny was no ordinary man.
Daniel James Connell
was born on January 25, 1942 to James and Jean Connell. He was their second
child joining his big sister Elsie. Three years later he was joined by a
younger brother named Ted. To those of you who, for just a moment, thought you
saw Danny walking around the chapel today, that’s Ted.
These were difficult
times in the world, and in the Connell household. Problems in the marriage of
James and Jean led to a separation and eventually a divorce. Luckily, Jean was
set up on a blind date shortly after the divorce with Charles (Chuck)
Camilleri. Chuck and Jean soon fell in love and Chuck made the courageous
decision to marry Jean and take on the instant responsibility of three young
children. The new family soon added two more additions, Christine and Kenny.
As the Connell
children grew into teens they decided to take the last name Camilleri out of
respect for the only father they had ever really known.
From Chuck, Danny
learned how to work. He once related to me the story of how they dug out their
basement. They lived in a small war-time home in Eagle Place in Brantford.
Because Eagle Place is close to the Grand River and is considered a flood
plain, none of the homes had basements. Chuck decided to dig out a basement
under their home and proceeded to do so with his boys, some shovels and a pail.
And they dug out that basement one pail at a time. I have no idea how long it
took, but I am really glad I wasn’t there for that.
And from Jean, Danny
learned compassion. The stories of Jean’s compassion, understanding and
forgiveness are legendary and she passed those traits onto her children.
When Danny was
nearing the end of his teens, he met a beautiful young woman named Linda
Goring. Danny and Linda fell in love and were married on January 20, 1962.
Life wasn’t easy for
the young couple, but they both knew how to work hard (Linda was a farm girl
and had also learned to work in her fathers tobacco fields). And they knew how
to persevere. A song I once heard states the truth: “Time will get you through
times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no love.” And
Danny and Linda had love.
Over time their
little family grew to include five children. Ann, Lance, Chad, Demarise (my
favourite) and Terah. They’re all really cool people, Demarise just happens to
be my favourite. No particular reason.
In an email to my
wife Demarise, that he wrote while in the hospital, Danny shared his view on
being a husband and father. “What really
bothers me is that I cannot take care of mom or my family. That's my job.
That's what fathers and husbands do. At one time I could fight any foe, tackle
any challenge and never feared the future. I was strong mentally and
physically, now, not so much.”
And
that is exactly what Danny did. No matter the circumstances through-out his
life, he took care of his wife and his family. Whether that was working to
provide money, or cutting wood to provide warmth or tackling a would be
intruder in the snow at the back of his house. He protected and provided for
his family.
After working at Blue
Bird and Stelco in the early years of his marriage, Danny was accepted as a
Brantford city police officer in 1973. Danny loved police work. I am willing to
bet that almost everyone here has heard one of his stories of police work.
Whether it was using his cruiser as a road block to stop an escaping crook or
breaking down the door of a suspected drug dealer to spending time in prison
under cover to get the confession of his cell mate, he loved it.
In 1966 Linda was
introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints by her sister in
law, Elsie. She recognized the teachings of the church as truth very quickly
and was baptized a member. Danny took a little longer, but in 1971 he joined
Linda as a member of the church.
In 1972 Danny and
Linda drove with their family and their friend, Doreen Jones, in a VW bus, to
the LDS temple in Salt Lake City and there were sealed as a couple and as a
family for all time and eternity. In the midst of our grief, we, Danny’s family,
are comforted to know that this separation is just for a brief moment. We will
see him again and because of the sealing ordinance, we will, forever, be a
family.
In the spring of
1990, it was finally my chance to meet this incredible man. We hit it off
immediately. In fact just before my second or third date with Demarise, he
excitedly took me out to the truck of his car and showed me his shot gun. (He
was working in narcotics at the time). I was thrilled that he liked me enough
to show it to me. It was a real bonding moment for us. I have a future son in
law now, and I wish I had a shot gun to show him.
When Demarise and I
told Linda and Danny we were getting married a short 18 months later, they
weren’t exactly thrilled. Dem was only 19 and her decision to marry me
effectively ended her university experience. But in true Danny and Linda style,
once they knew our minds were made up, they were completely supportive and
threw us a fantastic wedding. Danny even purchased a brand new tuxedo shirt for
the wedding. It was so new in fact that he wore it before washing it. In all of
our pictures he has a distinct fold in his shirt running across the centre of
his chest.
Danny was a
proficient, no, that’s not the word. He was an excellent, no, that’s still not
right. Danny was a handyman. I remember one Saturday at his house working with
him and Lance to replace the floor boards in the bathroom. Several had become
weak and rotted after years of exposure to water. We pulled up the flooring,
removed the toilet, and spent the day installing new solid floor boards. It was
difficult work requiring Danny to contort his body to reach the toilet bolts
etc. I learned several new ways to express frustration and anger that day. In
all the time I knew him, I never heard Danny use profanity, but he had other
words he used to express emotions. Dang-blast it, frickin-frackin, oh for
crying out loud, and several other words that I couldn’t really make out. They
sounded made up. We were proud of our work and remarked repeatedly that a
better, more solid floor had never been installed by man. After re-laying the
flooring we re-installed the toilet and Danny started to bolt it down. Because
the new floor boards were so substantial it was difficult to get the bolt
started. Danny asked me to hand him the hammer…. I shouldn’t have done that.
One ill aimed blow with the hammer struck the base of the ceramic toilet and
there was a sudden and sickening crack. There was complete silence for a moment
and then those new words I’d recently learned began again.
In early 1992, Danny
was called to serve as the Bishop of the Brantford Ward of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-Day Saints. A Bishop is similar to the priest of minister of
other denominations. In the LDS church there is no paid clergy, lay members are
called upon to serve as the leader of a congregation for an average of 5 years.
Danny served for 9 years. During this time he continued to work for the police
department. With permission from the family, I would like to share the entry in
Danny’s journal when he was called to this position.
“As I drove home I
started to cry. I really had to fight back the tears. I simply knew that this
was a tremendous sacrifice of time and energy. I also know that a Bishop has to
have many of the qualities that I don’t possess.”
That attitude of
humility is what made him a great bishop.
Those of us who were
members of the Brantford ward at that time can testify that he WAS a great
Bishop. His love and care for the members of his ward knew no bounds. While
going through his things we found a large folder of talks he had given during
his time as Bishop. Interestingly enough, many of them were funeral talks.
Danny and I would
often talk about what it was like to be a Bishop and the pressure that came
from helping others work through their individual struggles and challenges. One
time he said to me “Don’t ever be in too much of a hurry to solve people’s
problems. Give them time to find the solution themselves.” He continued, “When
I get a call that someone needs to speak with me, if I know it’s not an
emergency, I always schedule the appointment at least a week in the future.
You’d be amazed how many things work themselves out in a week”.
This is just one
example of Danny’s philosophy on life. It’s better to allow people to solve
their own problems than to fix everything for them. Danny and Linda struggled
for a good period of their lives. Danny’s journal is filled with concerns about
the car or the ability to provide a good Christmas for his family. But through
it all, he took no handouts. They worked hard, and did without, and grew
individually and as a family through the effort.
A couple of weeks
before his death, I was able to visit with him in the hospital alone. I held
his hand and I thanked him for being such a great father in law. I thanked him
for his example and we shared a special moment. I told him that I was about to
become a father in law and that I wanted to be as good as he was. And although
it was difficult for him to speak, he said: “Don’t do everything for them. Let
them struggle. Let them see what it’s like to do without.” So Lauryn, my dear,
it’s Grandpa’s fault.
Danny retired in 2000
and filled his time with travel and service. He was released as a Bishop
shortly after his retirement and he and Linda began to travel. Over the last
fourteen years they have travelled to over 40 countries.
Danny was invited to
work at Mohawk College during his retirement which allowed him to supplement
his pension and also allowed him to share his considerable knowledge with would
be police officers. He loved to teach, and especially loved to teach about
police work, one of his true passions in life.
Danny and Linda also
found time to serve an eighteen month mission for the church in South Africa,
where they worked with the Church Education System training seminary and
institute teachers. Both Danny and Linda are excellent teachers and they
excelled in this calling and learned to love the people of South Africa.
Last winter, after he
retired from Mohawk College, Danny and Linda decided to spend the winter in
Florida. Boy, did they pick a good winter to go away. Danny loved Florida, we
spent several weeks there with them and had a fantastic time. He worked on his
tan and walked all over the place with Linda. Many nights when we were there,
Danny and I would sit on the front porch of their house and talk about life. We
had the best deep discussions about religion, life and the pursuit of
happiness. He had so much wisdom to share, and I have so much to learn. Those
are the times I will miss the most. Just the two of us discussing life and
family and the joy that comes from doing what is right.
Danny, you fought a
good fight, you finished the course, you kept the faith. You have loved and
have been loved and will for through all eternity.
All of us here are
feeling the loss of our friend, Danny Camilleri. Those who loved him the most
are feeling the most pain. To love is to risk hurt and pain. But the only
alternative is to live this life without love, and that would be much worse.
Danny, we love you,
until we meet again….
And Danny, one more
thing. “God save the Queen”.
